Below is the transcript of a Q&A I recently did with Chris Saade, Co-Author of Evolutionary Love Relationships…Evolutionary Love Relationships is a book that calls us to the next paradigm in human relations: love connections that are solidly grounded in individual authenticity, and passionately focused on service and solidarity. It is written by Chris Saade and Andrew Harvey. Images used in this post were used with permission and credited to Ginger Wagoner, Photosynthesis, Inc.
1. What are evolutionary love relationships?
I would like to approach that question from a psychological perspective. The book, especially due to Andrew Harvey’s inspiring spiritual voice, delves into both the psychological and the mystical aspects of relationship building. Evolutionary love relationships are the next step in how we unleash the passion of the heart and build sturdy relationships from friendships, to romantic relationships, to relationships with family members, and so on. We’ve learned a lot in the last decades. The mythology of change, so dear to many psychotherapists and spiritual teachers, is coming to a crashing end. There is an exhaustion amongst people regarding their endless efforts fighting against who they are and attempting to change their partners. The emerging new approach is, at its core, based on the freedom of authenticity and the passion for social solidarity. Of course, we must assimilate many of the good ideas learned from the past. However, to build strong relationships and sustain passion, we have to deepen our own unique authenticity, and support our mate, friends, and children in fulfilling their own unique authenticity. Furthermore, we know now that passion in a relationship is sustained by jointly pursuing a higher purpose of action for the world. By doing so, we tap into the great power of love moving through our planet Earth. United by such a vision of action for a better world, we find our intimacy greatly strengthened and enriched. Nowadays, not only do we ourselves need the richness of an authentic and socially engaged coupleship, but our beleaguered world direly needs couples to work together for peace and justice.
- In a synopsis of the book, Amazon writes:
Evolutionary Love Relationships contains a powerful vision that offers humanity a path to coupledom, not as a privatized escape or preoccupation but a path to evolve into dedicated activists whose combined purpose is to utilize their resources to help and sustain the planet, and which does not forsake but includes the pleasure of personal fulfillment between the bonded pair…
What role do children have this activism? Does the activism you write about require some sort of social activism or could it simply involve being a good parent and role model to your children?
For too long we have mostly privatized our relationships, cutting them off from the world to which they intrinsically belong. That sense of isolation weakened love. As people limit their gaze to each other, fatigue builds up and every small issue becomes an endless source of frustration. Yet if individuals in a relationship look together, hand in hand, toward the world, and are fueled by a vision of social action, they enlarge their sense of love. That enlarged vista of love in turn resources their loving connectivity.
Being a good and caring husband, wife, friend or parent is of tremendous importance. However, again, if we privatize these relationships, we gravely weaken them. Joint social activism emerging from truly authentic interests and callings greatly empowers the individuals and their relationship.
We have also seen that when children are invited into the process of finding and valuing their authenticity, as well as helping others deprived of their rights and needs, these children mature and develop a much larger and meaningful vista of their lives.
3. What inspired you write this book and do you have example of your life of how you have integrated the material into your relationships?
I was inspired to write this book with my dear friend Andrew Harvey because of our long professional experience witnessing the exhaustion and the struggles of relationships stuck in the model of change (rather than the affirmation and maturation of individual authenticity), and privatization (rather than openness to the needs of the world)! I had developed a model of heart-centered self-development and leadership (six keys) that helped a large number of people in reclaiming their unique authenticity, freeing the passion of their heart, and finding their own calling to make a difference. Andrew and I decided to explore these six keys and their specific application to relationships from the psychological and spiritual perspective.
I have seen the stunning impact of integrating the approach based on the freedom of authenticity and the passion for active solidarity in my own life and in the lives of those I’ve been privileged to work with. The six keys listed in the book, plus a bonus section on sexuality are: authenticity, paradox, heart-desires, honoring the other in her/his diversity, co- creating a vision of action, celebrating our journey forward with its defeats and successes, and an authentically passionate sexuality. These are powerful principles affirming our humanity and greatly enhancing our ability to love.
All of that being said, it is crucial to remember that the map of evolutionary love relationships is like a star guiding our journey forward. We all struggle with relationships. We all go through many breakdowns to achieve some breakthroughs. We, as a human race, are just beginning to learn how to unite the freedom of authenticity and a solid sense of partnership. Thriving relationships are the next level in our evolution. That is the exciting good news. We’ll get there gradually, with many creative defeats. Yet every effort forward in authenticity and social solidarity gifts us immensely. The evolutionary principles we discus empower us to fall in love repeatedly with our partners. We celebrate what already works in our relationships, and stretch our hearts toward the evolutionary practice of authenticity and social solidarity—for the sake of more intimacy, more love, and a sustained sense of passion.
Co-Author of Evolutionary Love Relationships