By Daniel Wittler

As we have entered the new year there is always a feeling of being able to start over. Once midnight strikes on January 1st there is an organic reaction to reflect on the past year and hope for a better new year. It can turn into quite a bad experience as it’s the human condition to focus on the negative and not the positive. If you’re anything like me your mind can create a very negative environment and make you stagnant in achieving anything new. 

What can be done about that? A negative mindset can put a serious halt on any kind of growth. Before anyone starts writing down goals, it’s best to make sure your mindset and thinking are in the right positive place, here’s some ways to ensure that.

Meditation

Meditation can be intimidating for people who aren’t educated in it. Some people view it as a grandiose art only performed by highly dedicated spiritual people, that certainly isn’t the case. 

Meditation is simply the act of getting your mind to quiet down. 

Many people find they need to sit still to make that happen but others like to perform certain activities that allow them to go on ‘auto-pilot’ mode and eliminate any thinking going on. Find what works for you.

Some basic meditation guidelines are as follows:

• Find somewhere you can get comfortable
• Close your eyes or keep them open, but make sure to focus on your breath
• If you are having trouble focusing, count your breath. Breathe in is ‘1’, breathe out is ’2’
• Do this for 2-3 minutes

All of us have a different experience with meditation, but across the board meditation creates inspiration and positivity if practiced correctly and consistenly. Starting your morning with a couple of minutes of meditation can completely turn your day around. When I first got sober I would practice meditation at my treatment center and it blew me away how much I would get from it while having very little experience in it. 

Positive Affirmations

One of the easiest and most simple actions you can perform is telling yourself positive affirmations. As I mentioned earlier, for most of us it is the human condition to simply be negative and criticize ourselves much more often than when we pay ourselves compliments and give us our own congratulations. There has to be an awareness of the negativity to channel it into something positive. 

Some affirmations include:

“I’m doing a great job”

“I love my life”

“I love my family”

“I’m so grateful to have my health”

“Today is going to be a great day”

It doesn’t have to be anything too extravagant, you just need to look into your heart, and see what you can tell yourself to truly have an effect. I bet for some just reading those examples felt good. Affirmations can completely break up the constant negative space in your head and make room for something that makes you feel good and feel happy. 

Try your best to throw in these couple of tactics in the morning so when you walk out of your door, you have the mindset that will surely make your days go by smoother. Our minds think without us even having to make it, we go on auto-pilot a lot. Sometimes when you are feeling stressed out, take a very deep breath and review what your mind is thinking about or telling you that is causing the stress. 

When we can acknowledge that the thoughts in our head are just thoughts and not the truth, it allows us to flip everything around and combat the negativity with something positive. No matter where you are and no matter the time of day, you can choose to instill positivity into your head and turn your day around. 

By S.A. Specter, Author of Love, Anhata, Agape, Ishq, The Destination of Human Journey

The greatest technique is no technique. A lover does not believe in methods, yoga asanas; dhikr or other mantras. Lovers believe that humans are not eligible to attain God. A lover is only in a receptive mode, where the Beloved comes to them. This is the case with love, you can never enforce it. Ghalib professes,

“There is no force over love, it is that triumphant fire, Ghalib;

           It cannot be kindled nor forcefully extinguished once aflame.”

Lovers are dissolved in their Beloved; their egos completely disappeared. They do not credit themselves for this miracle because the apparition of self exists no more, how to acclaim self? Lovers are in a thankful state towards the Beloved. The greatest stillness of the mind is when a person is in love. The mind is no more the master of you. The mind is a tool, a very important one, but nevertheless a tool, a subordinate.

Kabir says;

“Living in bondage, I have set myself free…”

To be free from all the fighting within is the greatest freedom one can experience. Free like a bird. In the presence of the Master, by putting in complete trust, the Master is to be consumed. The more a lover is receptive, the more space is created for the Beloved to pour himself into the lover and that is when for the first time a lover gets freedom from oneself. Freedom is not a concept of the external world. Even if you are free from all the shackles of the world, the biggest shackle is the ego itself. You can be in prison but are free from within. The mind goes on playing tricks by creating imagery and this is where it gets dangerous. The mind will create situations where you falsely deduce that you are free. The illusion of liberty of actions creates a fake feeling of freedom. Freedom is the biggest bounty gifted by God to mankind. The mind creates this illusion of freedom so that it feels good but objectively one has never experienced freedom unless one is free from one’s own self.

Jesus said, “God is love.” This is possibly the purest definition of love that can be put into words. Love is the only potent force where everything happens on its own accord. Liberation becomes an automatic phenomenon. No teaching is needed on the path of love. Rules of love become characteristics of a lover rather than followable commandments. Turning into receptive mode is the only focus. Sitting in front of the Beloved becomes enough for liberating oneself. No liberation is achieved until God has descended on your heart.

Certain branches of Sufism do not even emphasize on chakras & energy points. When a person is in such a state of reception, magic happens; God descends on one’s heart.

An anecdote is preached amongst the Sufis; Milk is known to be divine and water cheap. The milk asks the water to mix itself with milk so its value becomes equal to the milk. When the mixture is boiled, the water evaporates and only milk remains. The first experience involves the Beloved communicating in the Lover’s realm where the lover at times will be elevated but will come back to their normal state. The second state, which can only be achieved when water completely evaporates. Now, there is only the Beloved, that state is permanent as how can one revert to something which never existed. The bliss of becoming a part of the “ONE”.

Logic and mind if used will create a different experience for the viewer but a lover looks at the world without any ego. A lover will feel the warmth and beauty of the Beloved in the flower whereas a logician will describe the species, counting the number of petals, the sigma, the pollen. The flower remains the same but the experience of a lover is different altogether which is why people in love are labeled mad. They are called mad because madness is a state which cannot be understood by the mind. Those who have known love and have gone beyond the mind are aware of the limited scope of the mind and are not bothered by being called names. Lovers despise argumentation and logic as they have risen beyond. 

Words are too feeble to communicate love. Words are incapacitated to communicate the joy of becoming a parent? It can only be experienced, that is why many truly scintillating human beings who become love refrain from using words. The path of the Sufis involves complete immersion in the wine of love. The whole path is to let go of the illusion of control and surrender to the Beloved. Surrender, the literal meaning of Islam. Love is not something to be attained or achieved. As a matter of fact, love is something that despises control. The more stubbornness you show, the more you cling on to your ego. Love comes on Master’s conditions.

Kabir says;

 “He who has found both love and renunciation, never descends to death.”

Kabir is not referring to the infatuation where dopamine is released or a tingling sensation is experienced. That love is not aware of renunciation. That love wants to attain, possess and is very jealous. This toxicity of trying to possess kills the relationship between the lover and the Beloved. The love Kabir glorifies is beyond being possessive, it is beyond jealousy. It grants complete freedom to the Beloved as well as the lover. The state of renunciation is beyond any other needs. A lover lives in the world but nothing bonds him anymore as he has known love. Nothing is enticing to a lover anymore.

Meditation

The awareness of the present moment is the most powerful tool every spiritual school promotes. The mind has a way of wandering in the future by daydreaming or it becomes a gravedigger. The calmness of the mind or razor-sharp focus is what is desired for success in the world and can be achieved by being in the present. Forcing the mind to do so will create havoc as how can one control the mind by staying in the mind. One has to go beyond.

Eckhart Tolle writes in his book

“The moment you realize you are not present, you are present.”

This is why all the Masters emphasize the need for staying in the present moment. The moment that exists NOW. Any vehicle that is applying brakes and the accelerator at the same time is either going to result in an accident or it is going to heat up. The same phenomenon is applicable in this world, when doing anything, completely be a part of that activity. It can be getting involved in what you are doing so deeply that the action remains and not YOU. When you drink from a cup become the drinking, when you swim, become the act of swimming. Becoming the action will make you realize the beauty of being in the present. The memory will make you a gravedigger and will lead to self-torture and develop different stories to make you satisfied but satisfaction is not the nature of the mind. 

Once this is practiced over a period of time, one will be in the present moment completely. Now, the mind is not aware of totality, the mind is afraid to plunge into anything totally if you are totally here, the mind will drop. Only the present moment will be there. Be aware that the mind will play all kinds of tricks, the moment you are about to be totally here, it will pop up something urgent because the mind is afraid. Immersion in any situation completely will dissolve the ego. It is a common technique in Zen meditation that you immerse in the activity so much that not even you are present.

This stillness is certain times invoked by a shock. The shock makes the present moment the most important. Various thrill-seekers tend to enjoy extreme sports because it allows them to be in the present fully. In those moments one can achieve a certain distance from the mind by not being in the future or the past.

The stillness of the mind is the prerequisite of attaining. The stillness is only inculcated when the mind is for the first time in tune with its true nature which is the servitude in your kingdom. Nature behaves in the most mysterious of ways, it will bestow you with your bounties when you are receptive. The phenomenon of the Master is so huge in magnitude that one tends to shake out of the ego. One is receptive to what the Grace of the Master is to offer. That is for the first time your mind will be completely silent. It is such an overwhelming state especially for people where the entire lives the mind has been a chatterbox. The Grace has always been there; the bounties of God have always been there but it was waiting for you to be silent so that it can be experienced.

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The writer of the post S.A. Specter is the author of the book Love Anahata Agape Ishq: Destination of human journey. His book is available for free for a limited time and can be bought here. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B082ZRXJVY 

By Sarah Kaminski

There comes a time in everyone’s life when we suddenly find ourselves wedged between our children and our parents.

Without even realizing it, we become a stable part of the sandwich generation, and coping with our responsibilities on two fronts becomes the norm.

However, this role we take on often weighs us down more than we realize – and we begin to show clear signs of strain and demotivation.

How can we deal with our aging parents who are dependent on us more and more, but may refuse to cooperate?

Let’s try to answer that question.

The importance of caregiver care

You know how attendants on flights always instruct that we should put oxygen masks on ourselves first if an emergency arises, and then try to help someone else?

The same principle applies in life – you need to take care of yourself first, in order to allow yourself the emotional stability, energy, patience, clarity, and opportunity to help someone else.

When my parents first got sick within six months of each other, I decided (not that it was ever a conscious decision), that I’d just accept my weariness and all the stress, the lack of sleep, and the poor diet choices, as something I need to get through in life.

I compared it to having a newborn – you simply adapt and wait for it to blow over.

The thing about caring for your parents is that it might not blow over for another decade. Once we settled into a calmer state of accepting they were now both sick but are expected to live quite long lives, I still hadn’t refocused on myself.

When I fell asleep during my daughter’s first school play, and later snapped at my husband for waking me up, I realized things needed to change.

When taking care of others, you need to find time for yourself at all costs. Don’t ever dare consider this to be a selfish choice. You need to be well enough to be able to help others. If for nothing else, put yourself first for that reason alone.

The staples of your self-care routine should be eating well, sleeping enough, finding time to move your body, and giving your mind an outlet, be it reading, knitting, taking a bath, anything that you find will help you unwind.

Coping comes from knowledge

When dealing with an elderly and infirm parent, we often approach the issue from a completely wrong angle, I’m sad to say.

We try to get them to do what we want at all costs, and get them to accept our rationalizations, without actually stopping to consider what they want or need.

The first step in overcoming this is trying to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine you are now 70, and your own kids come barging in to tell you how to live your life. If you’ve had trouble with your parents telling you what to do when you were young, you will certainly have the same issues when the tables are turned.

Another important thing to bear in mind is that different generations think differently. And while we base certain decisions on our heads, they may base them on their hearts.

Our parents and we come from very different backgrounds. We are the tech generation, our world moves fast, it’s getting smaller by the second, and we can find the answer to any question with the use of our fingers.

Our parents have lived at a slower pace. They may not know how to use all the gadgets, and they hanker after simpler times.

Coping with their irritability, and sometimes even their offensiveness, will come when you accept that they don’t think the way you do. Finding a better way begins once you start factoring their wishes into your plans for their future lives. It will take time, but if you allow for it, some strain will be lifted off the relationship.

Forgiveness is the path to coping

Finally, you need to practice the art of forgiveness – most importantly, on yourself. Yes, you might also need to forgive your parents for acting out, yelling, cursing, and anything else they might be up to.

But more importantly, you need to forgive yourself for being late, for being grumpy, for not making the right kind of soup, for forgetting a meeting, and everything else you will perceive to have failed at.

Taking care of others doesn’t mean being perfect and never making a mistake. It does not mean giving up who you are for the sake of others. Sacrificing your own happiness at the altar of another’s needs is not the way to provide care.

Once you accept that, you can stop beating yourself up and make the most of the situation you’re in.

Coping with the challenges of caregiving is a very personal and highly individual challenge. What worked for me may not work for you. Your parents might be just a tad more difficult, or your schedule more hectic. What’s important, however, is finding your own time and coping mechanisms, and sticking to them no matter what. Those you care for will thank you for it.

By Daniela McVicker

After years spent in the same company and doing the same thing, it becomes scary to think that you can change jobs one day. Despite achieving tremendous success, many people feel that they are not so passionate about what they are doing anymore. So, especially when things don’t go as planned, they start thinking about how their life would look like if they would embrace a new career. 

However, the fear of experiencing something new blocks them, and they prefer to keep doing what they learned during the years. But, you don’t have to be twenty years old to start a new career. It’s never too late to try something new and become very good at it. When you do something with passion, it is impossible not to succeed. So, if you find yourself on the edge of indecision right now, you should keep reading this article.

Fulfilling your passion 

When you were young, you had a dream of pursuing a specific career. However, not everyone is lucky enough to what they want and fulfill their passion. Thus, despite being successful in your career, you will always feel that if you would do exactly what you want, you would be better. 

So, if you decide to fulfill your passion and change your career, you will become more productive. You probably would feel less destructed by the effects of social media as you would be more interested in the work you’re doing. When you do something with love, you don’t feel that you become tired. You will get a new sense of purpose that will change your life.

Calling the shots 

Choosing to start a new career will put you in a new position. You will be the person in charge of your success and professional growth. This is one of the ideas that scare many people and stops them from exploring their potential. 

When you choose to do something that you enjoy, it is impossible not to succeed. The people around you will immediately see how happy you are with your choice, and destiny will work in your favor. So, you have all the reasons to work in this direction and do what you like doing.

Changing your lifestyle 

The decision to change your career will change your lifestyle completely. You can take the example of Vera Wang. Before being a premier fashion designer, she was a well-known journalist. She decided to shift to fashion in her 40s and changed her life entirely ever since. A change of career will make you feel that you have a purpose and force you to put you first on the priority list.

Investing in yourself 

A shift in career represents an investment in yourself, as well. You will benefit from the opportunity of doing something new. Thus, you will get out of your routine and discover that you have the skills you never knew about. Also, you will become more determined to learn about different subjects. So, you will enter a phase of continuous learning and discovery.

Improving and developing your niche 

The enthusiasm of people who do what they love is contagious. You can work for hours straight and feel that you can work even more without being tired. The adrenaline that flows in your body is fantastic and keeps you active in discovering new methods to develop your niche. 

For example, if you launch a paper writing website, you will continuously work on developing your portfolio of clients and gaining more contracts. When you decide to change your career, you also choose to improve yourself. So, this decision will change your life completely and help you become who you deserve to be.

New venues and opportunities 

A shift in your career opens new venues and opportunities. When you take this decision, you will start doing things that you never thought you would be doing. For example, after being a model for years, Martha Stewart decided to pursue her passion for gourmet cooking and started working on that. Apart from being a famous author, Martha used this opportunity to discover new venues. This is how she developed her TV show and worked on many food-related projects that brought her high popularity. So, a change of career will automatically bring you the energy and ideas to discover new venues and opportunities.