When Control Goes Too Far

By Felicity Powers

The need to control every detail goes beyond what you may think is just the desire to have everything your own way.  

Sure, it feels good to see a project go off without a hitch; you feel the power of controlling a grand orchestra with your thumb and forefinger pinched tightly around the conductor’s stick.

There is a sense of delight in everything going exactly as it should, exactly as our mind imagined. 

But often this desire for smooth execution can be taken too far.  

Needing to control things can easily turn from the desire to execute a dream well into the fear that you have to do everything yourself for it to be done correctly.  

You take it all on, and as the tasks stack higher, the stress of it all creates overwhelm and pressure. People move out of your way, as they can see the shakiness of your process, which seems like it might implode at any moment. They can’t do anything right anyway, and so you entrench yourself more into your need for control.  

You get bitter, as the resentment of “having to do everything” begins to take its toll.  

The harder you work, the more you push people away, and the lonelier the endeavor becomes.

Alone, at least you can do it all your way, exactly as it should be done.

At some point, though, you look around and you realize you’ve lost the point somewhere. It all feels meaningless and trying to let go feels impossible.

The subconscious mind holds beliefs that often force us to need control. This can be connected to a need for safety, which we didn’t feel during key moments when we were young, especially in the moments when we were simply trying to survive. In those cases, our subconscious latched onto the beliefs of, “I can’t depend on anybody,” and “If I don’t take control, I won’t survive this.”

The subconscious mind will try to keep us safe in any way it knows how; however, without truly tapping into and healing the inner child and giving her the safety she is craving, the outward symptom of needing control over every detail of our lives won’t go away.

Control can often subconsciously be tied to our feelings of worthiness. Oftentimes, subconsciously believing that the outcome of any situation is directly tied to your worth as a person leads to an obsessive desire for control. The belief that, “If this goes as I planned it, which is how it should go, then that confirms my worth. If it doesn’t go as planned, then it challenges my worthiness.”  

We don’t know what our beliefs are until we do the subconscious work, but we can look to the side effects of our beliefs for clues. And then, when we are ready to heal from our limiting beliefs, we can begin our journey of subconscious healing.

Subconscious healing allows you to update your beliefs based on your reality now, and leave the past behind. It allows you to let go of the beliefs that you needed as protection all those years ago, and allows for a new perspective to develop. You can finally feel that you are safe now, and that you can let go of the past and the beliefs that have been holding you back.  

If you find yourself caught in the grips of needing control, know that there are probably subconscious beliefs there trying to keep you safe and feeling worthy.  

It only takes a little work to change those beliefs and loosen the grip.


By Felicity Powers

Felicity Powers is a clinical hypnotherapist specializing in helping women overcome the physical and emotional side effects of trauma in Honolulu, Hawaii and worldwide via zoom. You can find her at FelicityPowers.com.