Q and A – Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships Elisa Romeo, MFT & Adam Foley

Our deepest common human desire is to be met deeply, intimately and with unconditional love. Why is it, then, that what we most yearn for is one of the most elusive things to find and sustain?

In Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling, authors Elisa Romeo and Adam Foley say that the problem is that many of us have lost connection with the authentic and unconditional part of ourselves — the Soul. How can we connect with another on a soulful level if we do not understand ourselves personally and intimately on a Soul level? How can we find a soul mate if we can’t see and feel our own Soul?

These questions are at the heart of Holy Love, which offers readers an invitation to profound growth, fulfilling love, and radical self-discovery via a groundbreaking method designed to transform any relationship into a spiritual path of awakening.   We hope you’ll enjoy this Q & A with Elisa and Adam about the book.

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What is the definition of ‘love,’ or as you put it, “Holy Love?” 

When we speak about Holy Love, we are referring to a love that is not built upon projection. Most people think they are ‘in love’ when they are ‘in projection.’  It feels really great for a while, until the projection pops or fades, and then it can feel horrible, as if we never knew who the other person was at all. Projection is when we are incapable of seeing the other person’s personality or Soul standing before us. Just like a movie projector, we only see them through our own interpretation, which is filtered through personal traumas, beliefs and societal programs. Love is having the courage to open the heart and stay in the body while the energy of expansion melts old projections that hold deep fear and psychological landmines of misunderstanding and miscommunication.

What is the difference between someone’s personality and someone’s Soul?

The personality is the part of us that is inherent, but it is also shaped by the events and programming of our lives. The Soul is our essence — the unchanging, eternal and all-loving part of ourselves. The Soul has access to a higher and wider interpretation of our lives and is always available for guidance and healing. The Soul is our true nature and true love originates on a Soul level. People are often disappointed in their relationships because they do not feel seen and met on a Soul level. They become frustrated by the limitations of relationship but they have never understood themselves in their true nature. It is a huge misunderstanding and major part of why so many people experience unfulfilling relationships. Holy Love asks, “How can we find our Soul mate if we don’t know ourselves first, as Souls?”  The book gives the clear map of precisely how to get there and finally be met in our relationships in a fulfilling and meaningful way.

You say that relationships serve as training for how to ‘become love.’  Is this true for challenging relationships and those relationships we would describe as ‘bad’ or having failed?

It is especially true with the relationships that we feel failed or would call bad. We see the ‘earth school,’ as some call it, as Love University. It is through our challenging, hard or unfulfilling moments and relationships that we get real clarity of what Love is and isn’t. This gives us information on how to grow, expand, and evolve.

You say that many of us are unprepared for Holy Love because we expect love to rescue us, when love actually is a crucible. What do you mean by that? 

A crucible is a trial or test that is so powerful that we are forever transformed by going through it. Our human relationships are not built to be an on-command wet-nurse of comfort for our pouting inner child. We need to evolve our relationships developmentally so are able to view conflict as an opportunity to become Love itself.  Instead of getting resentful that the mere human before us cannot always resolve all of our inner pain, we expand to more of our own potential and discover them beyond our personal demands. This is how the experience of human relationship and Love becomes a powerful, transformative spiritual path. There are few things that bring us more pain and suffering than relationships and our attachment wounds. It is the realm of relationship, which brings radical potential for spiritual growth. Love is a way to find comfort and companionship, which Holy Love does this as well. And it is also SO much more, in that it also serves as the portal to introduce ourselves to an often inaccessible, newly activated, part of ourselves, which is our Soul. 

Is Holy Love applicable for single people and other relationships besides intimate partnerships? 

Oh yes. Holy Love is a relational state in which we enter. That relationship can be internal with our Higher Self and the Divine, or external with another. Many nuns and monks are incredible examples of living Holy Love. Some of the most important relationships to practice Holy Love are with our children, our families, our neighbors, and, especially, our enemies. When we see someone as an enemy we are incapable of seeing their Soul. We believe this work is crucial and has the potential to bring radical peace and healing to the world. When we see ourselves as inherently connected to the “opposing team” we are much more interested in being creative with cooperation, empathy, and finding sustainable solutions. 

What is Soul Journaling/Dialoguing and why is it so important? 

Soul journaling is the practice of building the second spiritual relationship between your ego and your Soul. Through this practice, we learn to humble the ego and open and receive information from the wise and loving higher self, the Soul. Soul journaling is a spiritual workout just like going to the gym is for physical muscles. It is a regular practice to consistently practice raising our brain state from beta to theta, thereby building that crucial inner ‘listening muscle.’ This builds a conscious relationship with our Soul so that we can really tell the difference between projections and intuition. Another way of explaining it is being able to discern the voice of ego from the voice of Soul. If we practice this regularly, the muscle gets so strong that intuition doesn’t just happen to us when we are lucky or feeling good. We can hear our Soul when in a crisis, caught in a psychological complex or deep within a depression to help us navigate. 

What is the most important thing you hope readers will take away from Holy Love?

I think the most important thing is that humans are made to do this work. It may seem intimidating at first, but our nature is Love. Becoming conscious of ourselves as Love is our spiritual birthright. Ultimately, it takes more energy to not become Holy Love. We spend unconscious energy resisting our authentic selves everyday. With Holy Love, we become aware of how and where we are doing that, so we can spend less energy resisting our true nature and more time enjoying the benefits of being conscious of who we are as Love.  We don’t need to do anything to awaken. We just need to stop our addiction and habitual programming to unawakening. Then we naturally find ourselves in Holy Love.

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Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley are the authors of Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships and cohosts of the Holy & Human Podcast.  Together, they help individuals awaken and deepen their soulful nature within relationship. Visit them online at http://www.holyandhuman.com