Matchmaker Elle France has gained worldwide press for cofounding the SingldOut.com website that combines DNA and professionals who have LinkedIn profiles. Her ‘Jerry Maguire’ approach to matchmaking in Southern California has made her a sought-after interviewee in the matters of love. For more information, you can visit her web site at http://ellefrance.net/
Here is my interview with Matchmaker, Elle France:
What advice would you give to those looking for love when they are searching for their ‘soul mate’? Do you believe there is such a thing that can resemble that in our modern society?
Matchmaker, Elle France: Even with all the social media and online dating, you can still do the things you love in order to meet someone. I believe that you can’t let that person get by you that might spark your interest, whether it’s at a coffee shop or a grocery store. There is too much temptation out there right at a person’s fingertips with their phone, so if you want to find someone who is based on that instant chemistry, then you need to act on it. No bio on an online dating site or browsing through someone’s Facebook photos can replace the chemical attraction when you meet someone who ‘turns you on.’ It doesn’t mean that it is going to turn into a romantic relationship but it does mean that there is that natural human-to-human response that we are supposed to feel for someone who we want to get to know better. Technology has definitely changed the way we meet and date.
What do you find is the biggest mistake that tends to be repeated by many on their first date?
Matchmaker, Elle France: I know everyone is given rules on a first date. Don’t drink too much. Don’t talk about your ex. Don’t call or text and don’t talk about yourself all night long. If a person does any or all of these things, I would much rather know now than wait until the third date, or two months in, that they were putting on an act. The phony behavior can waste a lot of time. I would say, bait someone to find out who they are rather than having them put on an act. I realize people get nervous/excited when they first meet. There is a natural tendency to hold back a little or say things maybe that shouldn’t be said on a first date. I am not so sure there is a mistake if people could just act how they really are feeling on the inside with a new person. My advice is: have fun, relax and take an interest in someone as you would want them to take an interest in you.
Why do you think love can be elusive for so many? Are they looking in the wrong places? What advice could you give on believing in first loves and second chances?
Matchmaker, Elle France: There are too many choices out there so it is overwhelming to the brain, especially with online dating. The pool of people who are available to you at one time is not normal. People tend to not take time with one person now, because of all the choices. They just think “Next!” and keep looking. And they are right. There is a ‘next’ right at their finger-tips. But in the process of going to the next option, they may be missing out on someone wonderful right in front of them. So take time and get to know someone before you become fickle and want to move on.
Do you think that individuals can find love at any age, even after bad break-ups?
Matchmaker, Elle France: For first loves and second chances. It all depends on what broke them up in the first place, and how long they have been apart before trying again. If they have been apart for a while, it would be tough to put things back. Especially if you have dated in between. This always seems to haunt you. If you are honestly just taking a break to think and not get new people involved, then there is a chance, possibly. People tend to stay together for the wrong reasons if they keep breaking up. Most people don’t want to go through the whole process again or don’t want to be alone. But they still aren’t happy staying together. You have to be uncomfortable in life at times in order to get out of a bad or unhappy situation. This is the only way to move forward.
What advice can you give someone who is starting over after their heart feels like it has been broken?
Matchmaker, Elle France: This is one thing that pretty much all humans have in common. You need to mourn for a reasonable time and then you need to start to occupy your mind with things that make you feel good. There is no way to not feel sad or bad at some point. Working out, exercising of any kind, will help release the hormones that make you feel good. I believe that you can find love over and over again. There is someone out there for everyone. That’s what is so great about life. We do have choices. And no matter what choice you make, even if it’s a wrong choice, you will have a chance to begin again.
Do you feel that having a personal relationship with yourself adds to someone’s chances of connecting with a new love? And how do you feel about opposites? Should you try to find someone more like you? Or is that old adage, ‘Opposites attract,’ more accurate?
Matchmaker, Elle France: I definitely feel that you need to be in the right state of mind for things to go your way more. But I also believe that we all have stresses that happen to us and we can’t predict when they will happen. You can find love or just someone you like at any point, even if you are at a tough point. They might be there for that purpose to help you out of a hard time in your life. I do not believe opposites attract for a long-term relationship. You need to stay with a like-minded person in order to keep you stimulated. For instance, if I am ‘very hyperactive and very fast-paced,’ I don’t need someone to calm me down—I need someone to keep up. If he wants to get on the freeway and keeps getting in the slow lane and I want to move to the fast, I am going to feel like having a panic attack stuck in the slow lane. It’s not going to work in the end. It will not be stimulating for you. This is not to say that what I feel as the opposite isn’t true. Many couples are different and make their relationship work. I just think the first equation tends to work the best.
Any last thoughts that might help someone build their confidence when it comes to finding love, and what little rituals in your life do you do to make yourself happy?
Matchmaker, Elle France: I think we all deserve and want that feeling that we get when meeting someone. But sometimes that initial feeling changes. Don’t let outside influences make you feel that you need something better. Misery loves company. There is no way that you are going to feel bliss 100% of the time. The times that you don’t feel it, don’t make the mistake of getting it from someone else. If you really love someone, and you know what that is, then cherish and protect it. I like to make sure that when I do go on walks, when I do walk through this life, that I take it all in and realize how very lucky I am to be here. I love love! I love that we have control over what we say and do, which can make all the difference in bettering our relationships. I also realize that I have no power to change someone or make them conform to me. My favorite ritual is looking in my dog’s eyes and truly realizing the love that another life can give you unconditionally. Oh, if we could all be as happy and sweet as a dog!
I hope that insightful interview with Elle has given you an example of how you need to ‘raise the bar’ when it comes to love matters. So do be selective. Don’t be fickle. Make sure you are giving someone who might really like you a fair chance. Don’t always be looking for what is next. Make sure you don’t miss the love of your life because you are too busy looking and not seeing what could be right in front of you.