Transforming Grief Into A Unique Opportunity for Guidance


This article is a guest post written by Adele Vincent, author of A Circle of Light: Transform Grief into a Unique Opportunity for Guidance.

The Ultimate Transformation

People enjoy speaking about transformations in their lives. We all like to take on a new challenge, where we can grow and excel. That’s why we strive for job promotions, higher education or a more fulfilling relationship. We are comfortable talking about our personal journey, traveling, dating and career plans. Yet, we avoid discussing the bigger picture and the ultimate taboo, death.

Why is this?

Partly cultural, partly psychological our fear is deep rooted. Fear itself is a complex emotion. While it’s natural to be afraid of death, most of us have a morbid fear of the subject. A very wise man once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

How we approach the subject of death directly determines our spiritual gains. We can view it as an ‘end’ or we can view it as a new beginning. The choice is ours.

Rethinking Death

People tend to think of death and grief as a linear finite process. However, they fail to comprehend the cyclic nature of energy. In physics energy can neither be created nor destroyed. In other words, energy is in perpetual motion.  It forever changes forms. If we apply this principal to our physical existence, a new pattern of thinking emerges. Death isn’t the end; it is simply a change in form. The word, “transform” or “transformation” means to change shape. The actual Latin root of the word is closer to “across, beyond, through” which links back to the idea of “the other side” or life after death.

If we think of death as a spiritual transformation, it becomes a unique opportunity to change for our betterment. This is also true of loss. When we lose a loved one, the experience can refocus us on what’s truly important in our lives. It is possible to turn grief into guidance.

Changing Attitudes

In her newly published book, Adele Vincent argues that while the death of a loved one may seem like an insurmountable loss, it represents a unique opportunity to grow. Here, she describes her experience and the premise behind her book.

“It took me a long time to realize I could do something with the grief I felt for my mother. This was nothing short of an epiphany. I carried around this terrible burden. I liken it to a very large suitcase without wheels. Wherever I went I lugged invisible ‘emotional baggage.’ Friends and family couldn’t see I was weighed down by emotions, but I think somehow they sensed I was suffering. I wasn’t myself. It never occurred to me that the suitcase was useful. If I had paid more attention, I would have realized I was being prepared for a journey. Everything I needed was in the contents of the suitcase. Each of us has an invisible suitcase we carry around with us. At times, its presence is barely noticeable. Other times we feel its weight more acutely. It becomes a burden which we find ourselves constantly thinking about.

 What’s Inside Your Suitcase?

• Emotions

• Memories

• Unresolved conflict

• Insecurity

While much of this content may seem negative at first glance, the issues represent golden opportunities for healing and growth. Insecurity and unresolved conflict are the pillars of grief. They often keep us from moving on from the loss of a loved one. We find ourselves consumed by feelings of guilt, remorse, anger or hopelessness. Because we can no longer engage in physical discourse with our loved one, we feel their absence all the more.

I often hear people express a simple desire to speak again with a loved one. ‘If only I could tell them how I really feel’ is a common refrain in many of my discussions. I usually reply, ‘You can! I did and you can too.’ What if I told you your loved one was patiently waiting for you to contact them with the help of angels (higher spirits)? There is nothing stopping you from making contact, except you of course!A Circle of Light Book Cover

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Disbelief is the skeptic’s crutch. People forget that skepticism means to question, not to refute information! I think of myself as a reformed skeptic. I regularly question the information I encounter, but I make a point of researching any questions I have, before making a decision to accept the information as true or false. So feel free to question the information you encounter in this book, but make an effort to be open and complete the 11 steps of your personal journey.”


Adele Vincent, author of A Circle of Light: Transform Grief Into A Unique Opportunity for Guidance is a freelance writer, editor and writing coach. She regularly holds women’s workshops in London.