Moving from Self-Judgement to Self-Realization

By Jenny Mannion

It feels very natural to judge ourselves. We are usually our harshest critic, saying words to ourselves we wouldn’t dream of saying to a loved one. We often judge ourselves on things we say, what we do and have done, how we look, the roles we play (parent, son/daughter, worker, etc.) and so much more. Yet when we judge ourselves we are not empowering ourselves. The definition of self-realization is, “fulfillment by oneself of the possibilities of one’s character or personality.” When we begin to love ourselves “as is” and move past judgement we begin to feel a greater sense of compassion for ourselves. That compassion creates a feeling of empowerment which supports us stepping into our greater potential. Here are a few steps to move from self-judgement to self-realization:

  1. Forgiveness of Self – Life is a journey to be learned from. It includes a looking at a past but not a laying down and wallowing in the past. If you have learned from a situation you can allow yourself to process those emotions and move on. Nothing is gained by repeating the same negative disempowering messages over and over again. My favorite exercise for forgiveness is Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian form of healing. In might be a long word but is four simple sentences you can say to yourself to begin to forgive the past and connect with your soul. The four sentences are; I Love you, I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank you. If you like, put your hand on your heart when you say them to yourself. This is about your soul knowing you are so much more than your mind and you connecting to that unconditional love to move past the energy of the stories from the past to invite in a new and more aligned future. In forgiving yourself you can move past the judgment of the past and into the present which is where all your power is. That sets you up for a much more inspiring future – one of self-realization. 
  2. Gratitude – We are much more used to, therefore comfortable, giving ourselves a hard time than rather than being our biggest cheerleader and paying gratitude for ourselves. We know how good it feels to thank someone else and when someone thanks us for something we did or said. But we often do not take time to truly sink into gratitude for anything we have done. Take some time each day – whether that be when you first get up in the morning, in the shower or before bed or another window of time you have… choose it ahead of time. During that time pay gratitude for yourself for one thing. Maybe you love to help others, took a class for yourself, took a walk or exercised, have a hobby you enjoy, or maybe you made a meal for someone. You can even give yourself thanks for getting into the shower that day – you care enough for your body to do that! When we switch to gratitude it tells us there IS something in life to be grateful for instead of focusing on the negative things we usually say about ourselves. If you feel inspired – do this a few times a day. In doing so you will notice a huge shift in energy and a little lifting in the self-judgement. You will begin to realize all the beautiful aspects and qualities about yourself you have to be grateful for. 
  3. Self-Talk – Self-talk will be an ongoing effort to notice and change and we are the only ones capable of doing that for ourselves. We need to begin to notice if our self-talk is constantly judging ourselves, saying we are not good enough at something or “coulda woulda shoulda” done something differently. We need to Begin to listen. Sometimes it can requires setting an alarm or choose times to listen. The shower as a good time because usually during that time we are guaranteed quiet and can focus our attention wherever we want without distractions. As we are listening we can decide if we do not like what we are hearing! We might be repeating messages of judgment from an old relationship, a teacher, a family member and that old story is a disempowering one. We can ask ourselves if we deeply in our hearts believe that message and give ourself an inner hug as we receive that answer. If we do not believe it – it is easier. We can begin to tell ourselves the opposite whenever we catch ourselves. If we do kind of believe that message – we need to dig deeper – ask that we to show compassion and forgiveness to ourselves. Affirming to ourselves that we are always evolving and we do that through self-reflection and growth. Self-judgment will not get us to an empowered state but speaking kindly, compassionately and with love to ourselves  can and will get us to the place of self-realization we all deserve. 

These are a few easy ways to begin the change from self-judgment to self-realization. Remember we need to be gentle with ourself in this process. Some of these habits have been there for years if not decades. The good news is it will not take a fraction of that time to reverse them. It will take being loving in the process. Knowing we are doing not only ourself but everyone us a huge service by taking these steps. When we feel better about ourselves, we begin to attract relationships that reflect that. Self-realization holds endless and priceless gifts that we are all so deeply worthy of. Our soul knows it and it is time we all begin to embrace how special we truly are!