1. What is a conscious relationship?
A relationship where both parties understand that the primary purpose of their relationship is to identify, illuminate and transform everything that is NOT love within themselves. As fear, trauma and unhelpful beliefs are transformed then each individual becomes more complete unto themselves. They are then more able to unconditionally love each other more deeply and purely rather than splashing around in the shallows of the largely accepted co-dependent relationship that is currently the norm in our society.
2. What are the challenges and gifts of conscious relationship?
The key gift is that there is potential to come home to yourself by transcending the ego and evolve from a fragmented egoic personality to a whole, loving being who is at peace with the beauty and pain of this human experience. Conscious relationship can be a tool for spiritual awakening. The key challenges (especially if you have a history of trauma) are remembering that whatever the other triggers in us is ultimately not about what they have said or done in the moment but what meaning we attach to their words or actions. The ego always wants to make it about the other but the higher view is that the other has simply activated some old unexpressed emotions that were trapped in the body from a time when one was not able to fully express and feel the emotions. For example when my partner shuts down and refuses to communicate this triggers emotions of fear connected to my mother dying and feeling abandoned when I was an infant. The challenge is to stay with the feeling that has been elicited while knowing that this has nothing to do with the current scenario but rather it is purging an old emotional wound. Instead of blaming the other we thank them and take full responsibility for what we are feeling.
3. Why do you think so many struggle with relationships?
Fundamentally because we are taught very little about the truth of relationships in our society. It seems that popular romantic movies, songs and books suggest that the purpose of relationship with another is to complete us. We are always taught to look outside of ourselves for the keys to peace and love and contentment when actually we need to give primacy to our relationship with ourselves. In this way a ‘successful’ relationship becomes an added bonus to one who is already having a loving relationship with themselves. Also our avoidance and denial of many emotions has a huge detrimental effect on our ability to communicate and relate authentically and vulnerably.
4. What is one of the most important thing to be aware of to have a successful relationship?
That the success of a relationship is not dependent on its longevity but how much each individual learnt, grew, healed and enhanced their relationship with themselves through the course of the relationship with another.
5. What advice would you give to someone who struggles with relationships?
Stop looking externally for another to save you etc. We can only love another to the extent that we love ourselves. Work on your relationship to yourself primarily. Learn to look within and heal your own wounds which will invariably have their roots in your childhood and will be associated with your relationship to your mother and father as you were growing up. And schedule a Sacred Masculine Healing session with me and I will cast some light to help you find your way home!!
6. What role do children and being parents play in the challenges and gifts of a conscious relationship?
Well, as a parent a prime motivation for me to learn to love and honour myself is so that I pass this on to my children because our children learn from us through absorption. I have made a decision not to pass on the ancestral wounding that I inherited on to my sons, as best I can. Being a parent is the prime motivation for doing our own inner work because we are here for such a short time but we live on through our children and loving parents only want the best for their children. Everything I do is for my children and all children because I believe that this is how I put love into action and contribute to making a more beautiful world for the generations to come. Relationships are the foundations of life. When children are born from loving conscious parents the world will be transformed and there will be heaven on earth.
7. Did you experience any serendipity or synchronicity in writing the book?
When the idea to write the book found me I knew that I did not have a choice. I could not, not write it! I knew that the world was ready for such a book and that it would play an important part in humanities journey back to love. Also, I follow and honour the Celtic seasonal celebrations and began writing on Winter Solstice and many key landmarks in the books birthing coincided with other Celtic celebrations of the seasons. Also the book was responsible for my twin flame and I reuniting a couple of times after we had parted company and many synchronicities and serendipitous events are recorded in the story.
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