By Jason Treu
Relationships and being connected to people is why we are here and it gives meaning to our lives and our individual purposes in life.
We are the sum of our relationships. We are greatly influenced by the people we spend the most time with. We accomplish everything in life with or through other people.
Therefore, relationship mastery is essential to an extraordinary life. We’ve seen in our own lives and through the stories of other people, the pain, heartache, and destruction that can happen when we don’t master this area.
I want to share nine guiding power principles that will give you a great roadmap to create extraordinary relationships.
#1: Everyone wants to belong. Beautiful people, geniuses, the rich and famous—everyone has insecurities and fears. People are sick of trying to fit in and be liked by others. But everyone wants to be loved, accepted, and cared about. If you can help others meet people, feel a sense of belonging, get out of their own negative thoughts, and just have fun, you will generate social capital quickly.
#2: Lead with giving. We live in a world of takers and people who feel entitled to things. Everyone has been taken advantage of, had their heart stomped on, been betrayed by someone they care about, or made fun of. The easiest way to break down the emotional walls this creates is to allow people to be vulnerable and feel safe around you. You can do that in seconds when giving is a part of your DNA. You allow people to share things with you because they know you can be trusted, you give them a voice, and you won’t take advantage of them.
#3: Be a hub. Do you ever notice, when you go out, that most people spend their time with the people they arrived with? They rarely talk to strangers. As a social hub, you are the connecting point between people. You have an opportunity to help others make new friends and business connections, find dating or relationship opportunities, and build their network. Being a social hub is often equated with money, power, influence, or physical attractiveness, but you don’t need any of these to take on this role. You just have to take action. This is the easiest and most powerful way to build social capital that enables you to have significant influence. Also, you will start to gain even more influence when you connect groups to each other, and super networkers (those with 10,000+ contacts) with each other.
#4: Network in groups. Socializing in groups, rather than one-on-one, gives you a common connection and something to discuss with new people. You can meet a lot more people—and faster—in a group environment than during one-on-one interactions. You also have the capability to connect groups to each other and to be the powerful connector to make that happen.
#5: Be open, honest, and vulnerable. Leading with these traits is crucial to people feeling comfortable around you. Sure, in an ideal world others would open up first. But that doesn’t often happen. So take the lead here. You don’t have to share your deepest, darkest secrets, but putting yourself out there a little bit will go a long way. Let people see who you are. You don’t need to wear a mask and hide. You’re awesome and it’s time you believed it!
#6: Practice makes perfect. Creating a plan for your extraordinary social life takes planning, follow through, and practice. You’ll need to take action to make progress. Practice your social and communication skills by committing to talk to at least 2-3 new people every day. Don’t worry if you seem a little awkward or aggressive at first. If your intentions are authentic, you will come across that way more and more each time you try. Know now that failure at some point is inevitable, and every successful person fails significantly more often than they succeed. Remember, too, that failure is a great teacher.
Remember, motivation is a false god, so don’t give in to it—it’s not the secret ingredient for moving forward. People are always looking for motivation and complain that their lack of results is because they could not get motivated. Successful people don’t wake up every day and spring into action. No one wants to do everything they need to do. They have to force themselves in many instances. Do you think every Olympic athlete wants to practice seven days a week? Of course they don’t. Well, they still do it.
#7: Meeting people gets easier the more you do it. When I started out, people introduced me as “a great guy” or one of their “good friends.” At first, I thought it was a lie or a joke. I mean, how could anyone I’d met only two or three times feel that way about me? Gradually, after it kept happening, I began to realize it was true. I got people to prioritize me in their life, to consider me a good friend, when we’d only met a few times, sometimes very briefly. This in turn gave me more opportunities to interact with new people because my social connections would think of me as part of their inner circle of friends and invite me to other events.
#8: Listening is a skill to be cherished. In a world where everyone talks over each other, sometimes it can be hard to get a word in, let alone realize that beneath all this chatter, people just want to be validated and heard. Who are the people you feel really listen to you? Probably trusted friends and family members, right? You can build this same trust with others by prioritizing listening over speaking. When you listen to strangers or new acquaintances, you are building rapport and strengthening bonds.
#9: You can’t control critics, only your reaction to them: If you put yourself out there, you’re bound to be criticized at some point. We all have someone in our life who’s made us feel less-than from time to time. You’ve probably etched their words in your mind. Maybe it was a significant other, a boss, or a friend. Not caring what people think isn’t the answer. That’s being “carefree.” Instead, focus on your purpose, surround yourself with people who support you, self-evaluate, and then let it go.
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Jason is a life mastery coach helping men and women to create the business, relationships, and life they love. His new book, Social Wealth, was a #1 bestseller on Amazon. You can reach him at BeExtraordinary.tv