What is Finding Venerable Mother about and why did write it?

My life has been a spiritual journey that took on new dimensions when I moved with my husband and teenage son to Bangkok, Thailand for three years in 2005. Early on I met my teacher, Venerable Dhammananda Bhikkhuni, the first fully ordained Thai Theravada nun⎯an encounter that opened my heart and changed me forever. This deepening relationship led to writing my memoir, Finding Venerable Mother: A Daughters Spiritual Quest to Thailand, which chronicles my adventures along the spiritual path.  

Initially, the book didn’t start off as a memoir; I intended for it to be a biography about Dhammananda. However, once I began writing, my perspective shifted and it became more about my spiritual relationship to my teacher rather than the story of her life. I still want to write a book about Venerable Dhammananda to be able to share her wisdom with others. In fact, I am in the process of writing a second book about her now.

Finding Venerable Mother follows your journey to Thailand with your husband and son where you found yourself immersed in Thai Culture. What were some of the challenges? Joys? And, how did that effect your relationship with your son?

In the beginning it was difficult to figure out what I wanted to do. It is customary for ex-pats to hire domestic help, which we did. The woman we hired, Durga, was incredible. She was my eyes and ears in a country I didn’t understand. She spoke five languages including fluent Thai and English. The whole family came to rely on her. Once Durga was settled into her routine, she became the caretaker of our family in terms of cooking and cleaning, jobs that had previously fallen to me. I felt kind of lost for a while, having relinquished my former role and responsibilities. In addition, I had to have major back surgery for a chronic problem, and spent three months recovering. Durga was there to take care of me.

Over time I healed, and adjusted to having so much free time. It’s quite a privileged lifestyle living abroad, and everyone in our family enjoyed the advantages of frequent travel throughout Southeast Asia. Also, I met Dhammananda and began to spend more time at the Temple. As our relationship developed we became very close, like mother and daughter. She loved me unconditionally, which helped me to heal from an emotionally fraught relationship with my own mother. I will say more about that later.

In terms of my son, it was a life changing experience to live in a foreign culture. He started venturing out on his own with friends in Bangkok on weekends when he was fourteen. That was quite common for ex-pat kids. The longer we lived abroad, the more confident he became. Of course, he was still a teenager so I managed a lot of his activities, but I would say we both grew from the experience and he managed to gain a degree of independence while we lived abroad. I may not have granted him the same independence had we still been living in the US.

Did you experience any serendipity or synchronicity in your journey?

I love this question. I experienced serendipity throughout my journey. I recently read The Four Sacred Secrets by Preethaji and Krishnaji. Preethaji gave a very good definition of serendipity. She said, “Synchronicities are meaningful coincidences.” Throughout my time in Thailand, I felt led by an invisible force that seemed to lure me on. When I signed up for the conference and first heard Dhammananda speak⎯that was synchronicity at work. I can’t explain why these things kept happening, but I simply followed along and was guided by such a powerful and loving force.

You wrote about forgiveness. What advice would you give to someone who has difficulty loving his or herself? 

I can only speak about my own experience here. During the three years I lived in Thailand, I bonded with Dhammananda. Compassion and loving kindness flowed from every cell of her being; I just soaked it up. Through her love and unconditional acceptance, I was able to accept myself. She showed me a path to healing. For me it was important to heal the relationship with my mother before I could begin to love myself. 

With Dhammananda’s love, the anger and blame I felt for my mother for so long, dissolved, and my heart opened into a greater acceptance of both my mother and myself. For those interested in learning more about self-compassion and forgiveness, I recommend the author Kristen Neff who writes about self-compassion.

Do you agree that writing can be a spiritual practice? If so, how?

Another great question. I do believe writing can be a spiritual practice, one in which we feel connected on a deeper level to ourselves and others. When I am really connected to my heart, the words seem to flow from a place deep inside me. I know when I am experiencing this, because there is a universal wisdom in what I want to say. To access this place, I have to be really peaceful and centered; my mind can’t be going in a million directions. Meditation is a great way to open and connect with our essential being.

Anything else you would like readers to know?

Please feel free to contact me at www.cindyrasicot.com. My book will be published on May 12^th and I will be making several public appearances around the country. The details are listed on my website. Thank you so much for the opportunity to share my experiences with you today.

1. What is SELF-LOVE PLEDGE about and why did you write it?

Self-Love Pledge is a book that takes the reader on a journey back to themselves. It is one where I share my own story from being someone who had incredibly low self-esteem and a sense of worth and how I moved to a place of real and love and acceptance for the woman I am. Throughout the book there are also exercises that the reader can do to start their own journey to loving themselves. I wrote it because I was seeing more and more people in my coaching that were struggling to like themselves, let alone show themselves any love. As someone who has lived through it, I knew that sharing my story of how I changed my life could be very inspiring and helpful. Although I didn’t understand why I went through so many challenges whilst they were happening, I now see that these things happened for me, not to me. My journey so far has unfolded the way it has so I can help others on similar paths.

2. Can you share some times in your life when you have difficulty loving yourself and how you handled that?

The key moment that stands out for revolves around my relationships with men. For the longest time I believed that I got my sense of worth and validation through being in a relationship but, because my self-esteem was low, I tended to attract men who were not great for me in some way. Consequently, I ended up in relationships that were toxic and unhealthy, and I tended to stay in them for longer than I should because I was scared of being on my own. One in particular was incredibly toxic because he was mentally and emotionally abusive. Whilst I was with him, he managed to wear down any confidence I had. I stopped seeing my friends, stopped making an effort with my appearance, and generally stopped believing in myself altogether. Any scrap of self-love that may have been within me was completely destroyed, and it was a very dark place in my life. As strange as it sounds, I am thankful that I saw the signs of him moving towards physical abuse and that, along with the support of my parents, was enough to wake me up and get me out of there before things got any worse. I know that there are many people that don’t have the support or realisation to leave when a relationship turns violent, and I will be forever thankful that I was blessed to have both of those things.

3. How do we balance self-love with giving to others, such as our parents, children, or significant other?

So many of us are over-nurturers. We give and give of ourselves to those that we love, and many times that means putting ourselves at the bottom of our lists (or not being on the list at all). And yet, you are not really helping anyone if you’re not helping yourself first. When I gave birth to my twins, my health visitor came to my house to weigh them and check up on us all. Despite having recently given birth, I immediately jumped up to make her a cup of tea, and promptly got a telling off to boot! She asked me how I expected to look after my twins if I wasn’t looking after myself; that you can’t get water from an empty well. And this is the thing that we all have to remember. Happy you means happy children, partner, friends, co-workers, and family! If you find yourself giving everything you’ve got to those whom you love, you will eventually find yourself becoming resentful and bitter that you aren’t getting the same in return. Despite the fact that you will probably bat away any offers of help when they do come in!

We have to realise that our needs and self-care are just as important as anyone else’s. Self-love isn’t selfish. It means that we are laying the foundation so that we are in a stronger position to be there for those who we love. Plus, we will hopefully inspire them to start loving and caring for themselves in the same way too.

4. What advice would you have for someone who has been having difficulty loving themselves?

Start by making time to sit in front of the mirror undisturbed; just you and your reflection. You may want to run away or laugh uncomfortably, but make yourself sit there for a least 5 minutes. And make sure that you are looking yourself in the eye during that time. As difficult as it may be, it’s also an incredibly powerful exercise. The more we are able to look at ourselves, the more we will start to see beyond the layers of labels, fears, and social conditioning that have been placed upon to us. We will start to see ourselves as we really are; the bright light within. We will see our soul. You will realise that none of that other stuff really matters because you are love. We all come from love and love we will return. Love is the pure essence of who we are, but it gets clouded and forgotten in our daily lives. the more we are able to sit with ourselves without distraction, the more we will remember this and start to open our hearts to loving ourselves.

5. You do work with Angels? What is that like and any compelling or interesting stories about how they have helped you or other people engage in more self-love?

I have been working with angels now for around 10 years, and I am so thankful for their love, support and guidance; as well as how much they have helped me to pass this onto others. The key moment that stands out for me was when I was going through the breakdown of my marriage. Despite us separating in April 2017, it took another 13 months for my ex-husband to move out. During that time, our finances were incredibly pushed, and the stress I was under caused me to suffer with IBS, bad ezcema, and put me into counselling. I was in an incredibly dark place and lost a lot of hope that things would ever get any better. One evening, I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, sobbing. I had come to a breaking point with it all and, through painful cries, I called out, ‘Help me, please!’. A small voice called to me to start loving myself, and I know now that it was my angels; they were answering my prayers. Their guidance that day saved me, because there wasn’t much more that I could take, mentally or emotionally. Learning what self-love really was and how to move myself into that space gave me the strength to keep going until the situation changed, as well as dealing with my new reality as a single parent.

6. Any interesting stories about serendipity or synchronicity and how that is affected your journey to self-love?

For the longest time, I had held the dream of being a writer. From a young age, I loved reading, but I never thought myself good enough to actually make my dreams come true. So I ignored the call and did other jobs instead- all of which left me feeling miserable and unfulfilled. And yet, it would seem that the Universe wasn’t about to let my dreams go that easily! I finally worked up the courage to write my first book after I gave birth to my twins. I found myself a stay at home mum, and I was determined to use the little time I had for myself to do something productive. Although I ended up self-publishing that and my next book, it was an important step to take on my writing journey. However, it was what happened next that has proven to be extremely serendipitous! My third book (Happiness: Make Your Soul Smile), was published a year after my ex-husband left; I was offered a contract for Self-Love Pledge on the same day that I was accepted as a tenant for my house; and that book is being published nearly ten years to the day that I lost my grandparents. Some may say that that these things are merely coincidences, but for me they are winks from the Universe that I am on the right path, and that writing is a huge part of my purpose. That is something that definitely make the self-love want to shoot out of me like sunbeams!

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1. What is your book Say Yes to Life about? 

I was certainly unhappy in my youth. I was miserable, but I never sought out any counseling or help and never diagnosed with depression. Looking back, I think I may have been mildly depressed, but I’m not sure. When I was in my 20s and living in New York City, I had low paying entry-level jobs that barely paid the rent and I would walk round the city seeing people dressed to the nines or enjoying expensive food at outdoor cafes and I would get jealous. Jealousy and bitterness defined my life. It as the soup I lived in. I was always thinking “Life is unfair–I deserve better.” Eventually I realized that I would continue to be miserable and unhappy unless I took ownership of my life and my experience. It finally sunk in: if I wanted to live the life of my dreams I would have to give up jealousy, bitterness, blaming and shaming. And I gradually made a u-turn.

4. Are there any compelling examples of somebody who experienced loss and yet didn’t let the loss rob them of living a happy life?

One of my mentors, Marci Shimoff, has interviewed dozens of people about happiness as part of her research. She tells the story of a middle-aged lady who lost her eyesight when she put eye drops in her eyes right after purchasing them. The lady spent almost a year in bed having a pity party day after day. Eventually she got in touch with her love for life–she caught hold of the awareness that life is for living. She began exploring how to live a fulfilling life as a sightless person. Now she has an active life. She’s even skiing. She says she’s happier now that ever before and looking back she’s grateful for the journey.

What is Lotus Laughing: Extraordinary Tales of Mystical and Inspirational Life Experiences about and what inspired you to write it?

“Lotus Laughing” is a memoir of sorts, however, deliberately written as a fictional narrative.  The tales did occur – no exaggeration, but the characters and some of the settings are fictitious.  This was the advice of my publisher, possibly as I am a public figure being a high school teacher of a leading Brisbane school.

After many years on a personal sadhana (spiritual path) and coupled with decades of academic research and teaching, I came to the awareness of the illusory nature of life. Further, the only real truth about the nature of things lies within the body temple.  Simply put, I personally perceived the power of my own spirit within and saw that the contemporary life we lead does not encourage us to access and develop that. “Lotus Laughing” had to be written as evidence that within all of us lies a deep and powerful set of abilities.  These include intuition, perception and the power of will which, when developed and enhanced, are a set of instruments to greatly assist us to navigate the complexities and obstacles of life to reach our goals.

How did you come up with the title “Lotus Laughing?”

It was there in waiting to be called upon.  However, if I have to rationalize it, then the ‘Lotus’ refers to the ‘Soul’ of the human and the ‘Laughing’ refers to the cosmic joke that we’ve known all along that we’re not just blood, bone and organs.  In fact, when the veils of illusion are lifted, we’ve always known that we’re spirit or soul that stops off each incarnation to reside in a body temple owned by a personality.  Herein, the opportunity to burn seeds of past karma present themselves.

In your book, many of the characters feel inexplicably led towards making an unusual decision that turned out to be life changing. Can you give any compelling examples of that from your life and how that worked out?

The novel is my life. They are my tales; they are my mystical and extraordinary experiences.

How about from another person’s life? Can you give any examples?

Well, regarding (3) above, actually one of the tales belongs to ‘Jez.’  In essence, the extraordinary events and outcomes are his tale are actually real.  Jez was a solitary person with immense technical and mental brilliance, and he had a transformational experience which turned his life around.

Other examples can pertain to your life.  How often have you perceived some truth about some complex situation which you knew was the real answer?  How often have you thought of someone and within minutes/days you see or hear from that person?  How often do you reach a point of crisis or despair and call within for help, and help is extended from who knows where?  Why is it that when one’s survival is challenged, so often a power from within comes to your rescue?

One of the characters in your book, Lillian, finds herself coming across the numeric configuration 11:11 frequently. What is the significance of this? Do you have personal experiences with receiving messages through this numeric configuration?

As detailed in the novel, Lillian’s Tale reveals that her imagination was haunted by this numeric configuration for years and finally she found out what it meant.  Whether one believes it or not, at a time when she was sitting down – exhausted and disinterested – in a bookshop she was called from within to turn around and take the book.  Following the instruction, and not resisting it, the book directly behind her was called, 11:11: Inside the Doorway.

Yes, I do have a personal experience of this because Lillian’s Tale is a memoir.

Which character’s story was your favorite to write and why?

I love all the characters because they are all facets of me – except Jez, although Jez was to become my husband.  Having said that, my favorite is Gemma because Gemma’s Tale was the hardest to write being a true story of lost love between a gorgeous man and woman whose natures just could not blend, resulting in near tragedy which finally lead to her spiritual liberation and genuine self-love.

One of your goals with the book is to encourage readers to delve deeper into the mysteries of their own lives. What advice would you give readers on how or where to start with this process?

What a wonderful and inciteful question.  Thank you.  

• At first base, ask yourself, with commitment and authenticity, “Who am I really and what am I capable of?”
• At second base, keep those questions at the forefront of your mind and stay open for answers to come to you in all sorts of ways.  Be alert and trust that you have a right to the answers because you are ready to listen, hear and learn.
• At third base, seek a spiritual teacher and/or community.  Seek other truth-seeking souls – others who are asking similar questions.  Read spiritually uplifting daily sayings and/or books. After all, it is your innate intelligence seeking and not some broken person as the mechanisms of our society would lead one to believe.  And remember the wise Buddhist promise: When the student is ready, the Master will appear.
• At home base, develop a spiritual discipline and practice.  Meditation is the only path to God-realization and that only comes through Self-realization lead by a spiritual teacher.

Personally, I am a Kriyaban and devotee of the Self-Realization Fellowship.  My spiritual teacher is Sri Paramahansa Yogananda.  I read, and continue to re-read his book, An Autobiography of a Yogi.  Within the story of Lotus Laughing, Kristina’s Tale reveals my final spiritual awakening.