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Author Archive for Matt Welsh

How a psychologist can help you find a compatible romantic partner

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 21, 2019

Most people say that opposites attract and it is helpful to find a partner with opposite personality characteristics to balance you out. In my opinion and personal experience, this is bad advice and a recipe for incompatibility. For example, if you like to have things planned out ahead of time and are very well organized, but your partner is much more sponatenous, then that spontaneity can drive you crazy. Similarly, if your partner is very active, talkative, extroverted, and always likes to be around people and you would rather enjoy a quiet night to yourself, are less talkative, and a bit introverted, then it is likely that you will have more conflicts and disagreements about how to spend your time with your partner. This doesn’t mean that you have to share every interest and personality trait, but in general having similar personality traits, values and interests can lead to greater harmony, less conflicts, and more peace in a relationship.

Similarly, your attachment dimension and how it interacts with your partner’s attachment dimension can determine your potential compatibility in a relationship. Another word for attachment dimension is your preferred degree of intimacy or closness level in a romantic relationship. Attachment dimension in a romantic relationship refers specifically to how much closeness and distance you prefer to have in a romantic relationship. For example, knowing how much time you prefer to spend with your partner and how much time you prefer to be by yourself in a relationship is an important personality trait to be aware of in yourself and your partner. If you prefer to have more alone time or time for yourself to recharge and your partner prefers to spend all of their time with you and does not prefer for you to have as much alone time for yourself to recharge, then that is a recipe for high conflict and incompatibility.

Attachment dimensions in romantic relationship is something that psychologists have studied in depth. Recent researchers and psychologists have described three types of attachment dimensions or attachment styles:

1. Secure attachment dimension

2. Insecure-anxious attachment dimension

3. Insecure-avoident attachment dimension

People have all various degress of all three types of these attachment dimensions or personality traits. However, their degree varies in each individual and some may have stronger levels of a certain attachment dimension. For example, some people have greater degrees of insecure-anxious attachment. People who have high levels of insecure-ANXIOUS attachment dimensions typically prefer to have excessive levels of closeness in romantic relationships and excessive fears of abandonment. Other traits of having high levels of insecure-anxious attachment dimension include:

– Having a high desire to get close to people that may scare them off

– Wanting to spend excessive amounts of time with a partner

– Feeling anxious or resentful when a partner wants to spend time alone

– Needing excessive reassurance, approval, emotional support from a partner

– Wanting to completely merge your identity into your relationship or with your partner

– Excessive and unhealthy expression of emotion and difficulty regulating emotion

– Viewing normal conflicts in a relationship as a threat to the stability of a relationship or their identity

– Constantly texting or calling your partner to check in

– Feeling threatened or anxious when your partner is away on a business or work trip

On the other hand, people who have high levels of insecure-AVOIDANT attachment dimensions typically fear closeness in a romantic relationship and want excessive levels of independence in a relationship. Other traits of high levels of insecure-avoidant dimension include:

– Fearing feeling engulfed in a relationship

– Repression or suppression of emotion

– Difficulty with telling your partner your authentic feelings

– Feeling uncomfortable and pulling away when you get too close to a romantic partner

– Needing excessive alone time

– Not feeling comfortable discussing your concerns or difficulties with your partner

– Being overly independent or distant in a relationship

In the middle and ideal is to have high levels of secure-attachment dimension. People with high levels of secure attachment dimension want a healthy balance of distance and closeness and intimacy in a relationship. High levels of secure-attachment dimension include

– Relationships based on interdepenced rather than dependence or excessive independence

– Feeling comfortable with intimacy in a relationship

– Viewing conflicts with your partner as a chance to better understand your partner, share your feelings, and grow your relationship

– Generally having benevolent views of your partner’s intentions.

– Allowing a healthy balance of time for yourself and your own interests, allowing your partner to have time for their own unique interests, and having time to be together with your partner

Like, many personality traits, it is not possible or healthy to strive for perfection. Everyone posseses elements of avoidant, anxious, and secure attachment dimensions. However, if we can better recognize and understand our attachment dimensions and our romantic partner or potential romantic partner’s attachment dimensions, then that can help us pick a romantic partner who we are compatible with and have a harmonious relationship with. Additionally, if we can recognize some of the strengths and challenges of our own attachment dimensions, then we can adapt them over time to help us become better romantic partners.

If you are concerned that your attachment dimension may be preventing your from finding a compatible romantic partner or from having a secure romantic relationship, then it may be helpful to talk to a psychologist or therapist. For more information on how to use couples counseling to get your relationship back on track, please visit https://www.regain.us/advice/counseling/use-online-couples-counseling-to-get-your-relationship-back-on-track/

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Categories : New Media

How premarital counseling and therapy can help us accept ambiguity in our romantic relationships

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 21, 2019

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In the early stages of a relationship, we often idealize or overlook all of the negative qualities in our partner. Or, we may see one small flaw, get scared and run away from the relationship. It is easy and common to describe somebody else simply as a good person or a bad person. However, that often is an incomplete and unhelpful way of describing someone, especially someone who is close to us. In reality, everyone is a mix of good and bad qualities. No one is completely perfect and without any flaws. Premarital counseling can help couples learn how to accept imperfection in our partners and ambiguity in our romantic relationships.

This ambiguity and imperfection in relationships can make relationships challenging because we expect others, especially those close to us, to be perfect or damn close to perfect. However, if they fall short of perfection, then we begin to question if they are a “good” person and worthy of our time, love, respect, and relationship. Or, we become afraid that if that person falls short of perfect, then they might hurt us in the future and we may subconsciously or consciously cut that person out of our life. This type of black or white and good vs bad thinking can prevent us from fully enjoying the depth of relationships.

Becoming aware of other people’s flaws can become a difficult process because we are left with 3 challenging options. The person’s flaw may be so great that it is not safe or healthy for us to be around and we actually are better off distancing our self from the person or ending a relationship. We only have so much emotional energy available that some people’s flaws may use up all of our energy or be unsafe to be around.

The second option is not easy to, but can be effective. We can confront the person about their flaw in a kind, direct, and assertive manner in hopes that they change. This can be effective at times because at the very least we are expressing how we feel and increasing the likelihood of change. However, this option is not a magic pill because sometimes people simply can not or will not change their flaws even if we confront them about them.

The third option is to simply accept that the other person is not perfect, but still worth having in our life. We can accept and acknowledge the other person’s less than perfect qualities, while understanding that their good qualities outweigh their bad qualities. I have tried this approach with a friend who routinely shows up late. It bothers me that he shows up late nearly all of the time and I have talked to him about it, but he still continues to show up late. Still, his other good qualities far outweigh the fact that he shows up late. So, I just accept him showing up late as simply a less than perfect quality in him and enjoy our friendship.

In reality most people have a mix of both good and bad qualities. The process of accepting imperfection and ambiguity in relationships may become easier if we accept that we are not perfect either. Part of being human is to make mistakes or have certain characteristics that are not perfect. Oftentimes, we expect others to give us the benefit of the doubt and overlook our imperfections or mistakes, but we have trouble doing the same for other people.

If you are in a close relationship with someone you love, and that relationship is worthwhile to maintain, then try to accept the other person’s flaws and imperfections, while still appreciating their good qualities, and the value and love that the relationship gives you. At times this may be a difficult process because of our insecurities, stressful external circumstances, or problematic communication patterns. If you need extra support accepting ambiguity and imperfection in your romantic relationship prior to marriage, then premarital counseling may help. For more information on premarital counseling, you can visit https://www.regain.us/advice/engagement/the-true-premarital-counseling-cost/

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Categories : New Media

4 behaviors that lead to relationship failure and how couples therapy can help you avoid them

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 21, 2019

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Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz-Gottman found that 4 behaviors in romantic relationships are associated with romantic failure and divorce. They researched how couples interacted with each other and managed conflict. In seven longitudinal studies, they could predict whether a couple would divorce with an average of 90% accuracy based on whether they demonstrated the 4 behaviors described below.

They did not find that conflict in and of itself is associated with relationship failure. Rather, they found that how couples manage the conflict is associated with whether the relationship ends in failure or divorce. They found that 4 ways of handling conflict that are associated with relationship failure and divorce are Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

1. Contempt

Contempt is essentially disdain or disgust for another person or coming from a position of superiority. An example of contempt may be something as simple as a look of disgust on a partner’s face during an argument or saying something that expresses general frustration for the partner as a whole. For example, sneering or eye rolling in disgust at a partner is a form of contempt. This is considered the worst out of all 4 negative behavior patterns associated with divorce.

2. Criticism

Criticism is stating one’s complaints as a defect in one partner’s personality. For example
calling the other person names or insulting them or saying to them “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”

3. Defensiveness

Defensiveness is self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood.
It includes trying to defend or explain your behavior rather than trying to listen to the other person or blaming the other person. For example, saying “It’s not my fault that you are always late. It’s your fault.”

4. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is emotional withdrawal from interaction. It can include completely ignoring the other person or shutting down your own communication with them. Examples may be that the listener is not giving the speaker the usual nonverbal cues that the listener is tracking the speaker.

Simply being aware of these behaviors and avoiding them can save a marriage from divorce or a relationship from failing. However, the Gottman’s found that one protection factor that is associated with stable marriages is having a positive to negative interaction ratio between couples of 5:1 during a conflict. That means that for every negative interaction during a conflict, there are 5 positive interactions. The ratio for unstable marriages is .8:1 That means that for every one negative interaction there is only .8 positive interactions.

Additionally, one way to avoid these behaviors is to use I feel and I need statements during an argument.

For example, instead of telling your partner, “you are being so mean right now and you are always mean to me”, you can rephrase that by saying:

“I feel like I am being attacked and hurt right now. I need you to speak to me with more kindness”.

These simple changes in the way we phrase or communicate our complaints, needs, or feelings during an argument can make the difference between escalating or deescalating the situation, which over time can make a difference between relationship failure or success.

For more information about the Gottman’s research you can visit:

https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/

Learning these new skills, understanding why these behaviors exist in the first place, and finding alternative behaviors to help save your relationship takes time and practice. Couples counseling is a possible solution to help give you extra support in working through these issues. If you are interesting in the cost and benefits of couples counseling, you can learn more at https://www.regain.us/advice/counseling/comparing-couples-counseling-cost-and-benefits/

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Categories : New Media

Tags : Relationships

Excerpt from AGELESS SOUL: The Lifelong Journey Toward Meaning and Joy, By Thomas Moore

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 18, 2019

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The Unexpected Revival of Youth (pp. 35-37)

If a youthful spirit is present, as you age you may actually be- come young in unexpected ways. I worked with a man in his eighties who found this to be true. After his wife died, he thought that his life would be a gradual decline toward the end. Instead, his dreams began to portray his early life as a college teacher. At first, we didn’t know for sure what these dreams implied. But as they continued, and as he began to get ideas for new projects, it was clear that in spirit he was back in that early time in life of starting a new career.

It was as though now in his eighties he was in the same place, or in a very similar place to that early time in his life. He had a similar spirit of adventure and he was actually experimenting with a new identity. It was a return of his youth, in spirit if not in body. He was being defined not by the settling tendency of old age but by the reinventing spirit of youth.

I’ve seen this unexpected development in other people, too. Do we all have an opportunity in old age to go back to an early creative and defining period in our own history and start over? Is the return of youth a natural occurrence that we ignore simply because we don’t expect it?

In short, you stay young in soul by not becoming a fossil in your life. You keep abreast of the world as it advances. You stay fresh in your understanding and values. You say yes to life’s invitations. You keep your heart active by loving the world rather than hating it. Chronic hatred is a good way to get fixated in a crusty old age.

You can also stay young by avoiding old habits of thought and behavior. You try new things and resist the comfort of the old ways. Yes, you can enjoy old traditions, but you don’t let them become dominant. You don’t stay with old forms on principle. You mix the old with the new.

When people think of keeping their youth as they age, they of- ten think too physically, materially, and literally. They get face- lifts but not personality lifts. They sink unthinkingly into old age without doing anything to have a youthful presence in everything they do. They try to look young without being young.

It might be better to stay young from the inside out. For some people physical condition often follows their emotional attitude. If the spirit of youth is strong in you, you may see it in your body. I have no doubt that my father looked young, even at one hundred, because of his youthful spirit. So for those people who are trying so hard to look young, I’d suggest instead reviving a deep kind of youthfulness, an aspect of character, and an approach to life.

You can delve more deeply and become aware of the spirit of youth that has been in you from the beginning. You don’t have to make yourself young, because you are young inside. That youthfulness needs only to be freed. From what I’ve seen in the older people I’ve counseled, the resurrecting of youth in our older years may simply happen. You don’t have to manufacture it, but you do have to welcome it, receive it, and allow it to influence how you live. I often suggest welcoming the invitations that life offers you.

These are not always external matters, like moving or getting a new job. They may be internal, like noticing signals of some new youthful urge that wants you to take a risk or go out on an adventure.

For example, these days I’m thinking of traveling less to teach and speak and instead staying home and creating online courses. I will be successful only if I can conjure up the youthful identity needed for a new adventure. The next appearance of your youth may be in something small and ordinary. If you’re open to these apparently mundane charges of puer vitality, you stay young in your soul, and that is ultimately what counts.

I feel that I’ve had the puer spirit in me most of my life. As I said, I was slow to grow up. Once, my mother visited me, looked around at my rented house and rented furniture, and said, “Tom, when are you going to have your own furniture?”

I was just turning fifty and wasn’t worried about living in a rented house and not having my own furniture. I wasn’t making much money, but I had enough to pay the rent and enjoy modest pleasures. During those years I also had many flying dreams, which are often part of the puer psychology. In particular, I dreamed of planes either trying to get off the ground or flying low in a big city among the skyscrapers and landing on city streets.

I now see those dreams reflecting my efforts to keep my spirit free while dealing with the demands of ordinary life.

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Categories : Books, Guest Posts

Online Psychic Readings: A Few Things You Should Know

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 16, 2019

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Thanks to modern technology, people can now look for advice from psychics that work online. This is a very easy and convenient form of psychic reading. However, you should know that not all of these psychics are the same and some of them are much better than the others. What’s even worse is that some of them are scammers. So, you have to be prepared and conduct research before you start using online psychic readings. This is the only way to ensure that you will get true spiritual guidance and advice that can help you. We will use this blog post to highlight a few things that you should look for when searching for reliable online psychic readings.

Check the site

The truth is that there are many fancy websites out there that provide services like this, but you should be aware that the design of the website doesn’t necessarily mean that you are dealing with the real thing. Check the policies and terms of using the website. In this way, you should be able to tell whether you are dealing with a real psychic or some sort of a counselor. They should have psychic credentials.

In many cases, small online psychic reading website provides better services because they are managed personally by the psychic. Some of them also provide warranties for their readings. On the other hand, large websites may offer readings from a few different psychics and their quality won’t be the same. In other words, there’s a great chance that you will spend your money without getting the information you need.

Analyze their bio and check the reviews

Keep in mind that the biography plays a very important role in this case. By checking their biography, you will learn more about their psychic reading style. As you probably know, there are different forms of readings. Many of them will also highlight the questions they ask and the success they had. It’s also possible to find reviews on their website. But, what would be even better is to use another source to check reviews.

There are specialized comparison websites like Hot5.com where you can find the best online psychic reading websites listed on a single page. Websites like this one are conducting interviews, preparing reports and testing with the help of their experts. In this way, you can rest assured that you are looking at a true online psychic reading website.

Be patient

Finally, when using online psychic readings, you have to learn to be patient. It usually takes some time for the psychic to get in touch with your aura and energy and to figure out what matters to you. In any case, you should prepare a budget for this activity before you start a session. It usually takes a minute or two for psychics to get connected to you and after that, you can start getting answers.

We hope that this blog post will help you find the right online psychic readings and get the most from them.

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Categories : New Media

Q&A with Kayce Stevens Hughlett, author of SoulStroller

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 14, 2019

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What is SoulStroller about and why did you write it?

SoulStroller is a story of finding voice in a culture that historically silences women, it’s an excursion around the world, and a personal exploration of spirituality and ancestry. When I began writing this book, I thought the overarching story was about my travels—Paris, Egypt, Ireland, Bali—and the beauty and wonder of those places. I was going to share with readers the places I’d traveled and introduce them to the world through my eyes. Then I began to notice there was no way my inner journey was going to stay out of the narrative. My story of writing about journeys became its own adventure.

Writing has always been a clarifying process for me and most often I write for myself in the quiet moments of the morning. As this book evolved, however, I shared pieces of the story with others and noticed the many ways my fears, struggles, and joys intersected and resonated with readers. It became important to share with a broader audience, so I pitched the manuscript to my publisher and here we are.

You work with people to help them be more authentic. What does it mean to you to be authentic and what are some practical examples or ways to become more authentic?

Much of the time in ordinary life, we enter our days with thoughts clouded by what we think we should be doing or worrying about how others may judge us rather than how we can serve the greater good. We live in fear rather than opening our hearts to love. We keep our deepest selves hidden behind have-to’s and shoulds. As I’ve learned to discern my own rhythm, I’ve been able to shed the shoulds and bring a better self to the world. I believe this is my authentic self—the person who listens deeply, practices compassion, and gets clear on what my internal voice and higher power are inviting me to do in any given moment.

One of the most practical examples and easiest ways to be more authentic is to begin observing your own thoughts and behaviors. Be your own witness. Pause and pay attention before you answer a question or automatically jump into a situation. e.g. A friend calls and asks you for a favor. It’s okay to say, “Can I get back to you?” Then take a moment and discern how you truly want to respond. Yes? No? Maybe? Get quiet and listen for your answer without all of the should or have-to noise. What do you want to say? No judgment here. That’s your authentic voice. By practicing this deep listening and taking incremental steps, we each move into our own authenticity moment by moment.

When are sometimes in your life when you have been inauthentic and when are sometimes in your life when you have been your most authentic self?

I grew up being inauthentic. Saying yes when I wanted to say no. Following other people’s dictums instead of my own. Dressing for others. Being the good girl at times I longed to be a rebel. Becoming an accountant when I was drawn to psychology and sociology.

One of the most authentic things I did was go back to graduate school in my late forties even though it made no logical sense. A more recent time while at a book presentation, I realized my feet were killing me, so I stopped for a moment, pulled off my shoes, and invited my audience to do the same. Sometimes my most authentic self looks like staying in my pajamas all day and reading a great book or watching Netflix. That can be a big statement in a culture that says I should be out pounding the pavement and making a mark in the world. My invitation is for individuals to define and discover what authenticity means for them, because it looks different for everyone.

“SoulStroller” is the (r)evolution of a woman too timid to speak her mind, redefining her own rules, and showing us it’s never too late to live your best life. What advice would you have for someone who would like to speak their mind more, but is afraid of standing out or what other people might think?

Can I simply invite them to read the book? {laughing} I’m not much of an advice giver, but I found my way by practicing deep listening to myself. Speaking up in small ways and stretching into bigger ones. Falling down and getting back up. My redefining began when I realized the old paradigms were not working for me. I needed someone to help me unravel which stories were society’s and which ones were my own, so I found a therapist.

My mother told a story that said, “Kayce’s our shy girl. She doesn’t talk much.” What I discovered is that I had been limited by this tale as well as others I heard growing up about women and their roles. The key to reclamation is becoming aware that you want or need it. Take one single step, like naming your desire. Find a mentor. Listen throughout the day for what resonates or makes your heart sing. Pay attention to the places you feel oppressed and make note of what lifts you up. Follow the signs. Don’t be afraid to fail. Step by step, practice stating what you need. Life is defined by those moments when we’re able to speak through that lump in our throat and feel it dissolve to warm our heart.

Anything else you’d like to share?

I’d love to express my gratitude for the opportunity to share my story with Spiritual Media Blog, as well as this brief excerpt from SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, and wings of the world.

It’s never too late to make a new ending. When people say to me things like, “I could never” or “I’m too old” or the myriad of other thoughts that get in the way of change, I ask: “Are you still breathing . . . even a little bit?” If the answer is yes, then isn’t there room for one more yes, and perhaps another and another?

**********

Kayce Stevens Hughlett is a tender, a healer, and an artist of being alive who believes in everyday magic and that complex issues often call for simple practices and author of “SoulStroller.” She holds a Masters in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and she is a Certified Martha Beck Life Coach. Her novel, “Blue,” won the Chanti Award for best women’s fiction in 2015. Kayce began her working life as an accountant for a multi-national firm and transitioned to the healing arts when life’s harsh circumstances sent her searching for answers on a less-linear path. She is the co-creator of SoulStrolling® ~ a movement for mindfulness in motion. Raised in the heartland of Oklahoma, she now resides in Seattle, Washington with her family and muse, Aslan the Cat. Learn more at http://www.liveittogiveit.me/or connect with her via twitter @KayceHughlett.

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Categories : Books, Exclusive Interviews

Children and Parents. A Conscious Approach to Parenthood.

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 13, 2019

· No Comments

By Victoria Contoret, leader of the N.E.O.PEOPLE International Movement: 4neopeople.com and the Author of the Pyramid of Human Uniqueness of Contours: contoret.ru.

The question of relationship between generations is as old as the world. The phenomenon is that still every parent has to solve this old and global question individually. And in the XXIst century we are not ready to look at this question through the prism of the techniques used before.

Time flies, and we need to keep up with it. New times bring the development of new communication techniques, change the methods of perceptions of certain situations, and, of course, alter the point from which we look at these situations.

The issue of the relationship between parents and children is particularly acute when children are in the adulthood transition period. From the physiological point of view, they are getting mature, but spiritually they are making their first contacts with the reality life. It is when a child becomes more independent and starts to understand spirituality in his or her own way. Parents should realize and accept the fact that their child is now capable of drawing his conclusions and making his own decisions. That their child is passing into a state of self-affirmation on his or her spiritual basis.

As a rule, this transitional stage changes an already established and happy parent-child relationships. Just “suddenly” everything gets complicated and confusing for both sides. Relationships become unpredictable like “turbulence”, and it causes malfunctions in the overall family climate.

The question is simple: how to find a way to start a long-lasting, peaceful relationship with a child and strengthen family bonds?

Yes, the question is quite simple, but it’s not so easy to find the answer, there are no patterns or rules universal for all of us. Of course, grandparents can make an invaluable input in the family reunion. Their experience and family genes provide parents with some support. However, it is usually not enough.

Awareness is a key strategy for finding the right answer to the question. The solution is easy to see when parents are aware of how they treat their child and how they handle the transition stage of the child’s life. Awareness, as a human feature of the XXIst century, is especially relevant in the harmonious relations of children and parents in the new millennium.

People have always been living completely consciously (or not) and it had become one of the most important human features. But only in the Age of Aquarius, we have realized the significance of a conscious relationship with a child. The era has introduced new energies into our world, and that is how it is going to be for the next two thousand years. We should not ignore new circumstances brought by the new energies.

First of all, Awareness rises to the forefront and becomes a key homo sapiens characteristic. Second of all, things like age, nationality, geographical location are not that important anymore. Social networks and the Internet connect people and remove the barrier between them.

The notion of financial security is becoming less and less relevant as a democratic society development proves that the same things are available for every member of society. Everyone can afford to buy a car, to have a place to live, to have a secure job, to go out on the weekend, to travel and to get social insurance. So pretty much all those things that have been dividing the society for ages are now uniting it because everyone has equal access, to a greater or lesser extent, to everything he or she needs.

Language has been another barrier dividing our society. But today almost everyone speaks at least two languages, using English as an international one. The language is no longer a barrier.

So what does divide us today? Have we all become unified homo sapiens because everything around us has been unified? Not quite. Awareness has come to the fore, old and once forgotten it has recently regained its position.

We are spiritual beings living in a material world. The awareness and using it in our life becomes a fundamental and global strategy in a modern society. It is also a key to a healthy relationship between parents and their child. Let me explain to you what I mean. The level of the awareness among people is not the same. Can you measure and assess human awareness? As a matter of fact, you can, using the Pyramid of Awareness by Contoret has proved to be efficient for this purpose. It carries a principal orientation and shows us on what level of awareness we are. The Pyramid comes with a table of how awareness manifests itself on the different levels in the material world and in our everyday life.

You can evaluate and compare your level of awareness and the level of your child using the Pyramid by Contoret. Most likely you will find out that the level of your awareness is higher than the one of your child. That is the first and the most important point of a conscious attitude towards your child. Once you understand how deep is the gap between your awareness levels it is going to be easier for you to find out the reason why the relationship in your family is unbalanced.

You and your child may be like chalk and cheese! If that is the case make sure you find a safe “place” in your relationships where both you and your child are going to feel comfortable communicating and strengthening family ties.

Since we know how to evaluate the awareness level, it opens a window of possibilities for us such as analyzing, comparing, developing, and improving this factor in our lives.

Every parent knows how DIFFICULT it is to handle a child in the transition stage of getting mature. Teenagers do not listen to their parents; they do not pay attention to the advice and recommendations, they want to change everything at once.

What does not a parent of a teenager know? He does not know WHY it is difficult. The answer is pretty simple: a child is not aware of the life around him to the extent his parent is. That being said since grownups are older and have more life experience it is only natural that parents are more conscious than their children. This knowledge is invaluable because it helps parents to realize that children cannot be as awake as parents just because of the lack of experience.

The key to happy family life and balanced relationships between parents and children is being a conscious parent. In my articles, webinars and on my Course of Conscious Parenthood I am going to show you how to overcome an alienation barrier using the Pyramid of Awareness and your level of awareness.

This is an article where I speak generously about the possibility of improving the relationship between parents and children by overcoming the alienation barrier and using the conscious approach method. This method can help you to find a key to understanding your child and establishing a happy family relationship once and forever.

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Categories : Guest Posts

3 Ways to Learn More about Religion

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 11, 2019

· No Comments

If you live in an urban area, your opportunities for getting to know the different cultures are better than those who live outside of the city.

Sometimes, however, the problem isn’t that we would like to learn more about a religion or other cultures – as you could find answers right outside of your doorstep – but rather that we would like someone else to take a step outside of their comfort zone and learn a bit more.

If you have a family member or a friend who you think could benefit from a dash of extra culture, you’ve come to the right place. Here is a handful of ways to learn more about other religions and cultures so that everyone can broaden their minds a bit.

#1 Getting to know the neighbours

First things first; if you would like someone you know to understand a religion better, you need to make the first move yourself. Get out there, talk to your neighbours, stay curious and nobody would have the heart to turn you down.

The best place to start this journey is really right in your own neighbourhood if you live in the city. That way, you have the opportunity to create more lasting friendships and can invite your other friend or family member over who you think could benefit from some more knowledge.

Plus, if they see that getting to know your neighbours and actually talking about different cultures and religions, they might dare to take the step themselves. Have a look at this site if you would like to educate yourself a bit first and learn about how many Muslims there are in the world, for example.

#2 Visit a Mosque or a Synagogue

A great way to gain an entirely new understanding of a religion is to visit their most holy place. All Mosques would be happy to welcome visitors and curious people from other cultures or religions who would like to learn more about Islam. Just stay polite, take your shoes off, and be friendly to those who invite you in.

If you don’t know about any Mosques or Synagogues in your area, you can always just make a quick Google search to find your nearest one. Make sure that there isn’t anything special going on that day, by the way, so that they have time to welcome you and answer all of your questions.

#3 Read about the religion

Finally, there is no better way to learn more than to make use of the Internet. You can find anything you are looking for there – but make sure that the sources are credible first. This is a smart move to make before you visit a Mosque, for example, so that you’ve educated yourself a bit beforehand and come prepared with your questions.

Send whatever you find off to your friend who you’d like to learn a bit more too, though, so that he or she is able to take in the information as well. Learning about religions can be a lot of fun, after all.

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Categories : New Media

Q&A with Alexandre Montagu, author of The Riddle of the Sphinx

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 10, 2019

· No Comments

Your new book, “The Riddle of the Sphinx” seems to have everything– adventure, a heartbreaking and obsessive love affair, suspense, psychological drama and a journey toward self-discovery. How would you characterize your book? What genre or genres would you place it in?

You can read this book on three different levels. First, on the level of plot, it’s about a young man who desperately tries to escape Revolutionary Iran, a young scholar whose career and life are derailed by a tragic love affair and a middle aged lawyer at the pinnacle of a successful career at a top law firm who finds himself dissatisfied with and disconnected from what others may consider a perfect life. You can read the novel just for that and hopefully enjoy the storyline. On another level it is about the political and social history of the Iranian Revolution, its unfolding through the eyes of one family and their aftermath in exile. While there are countless books on the political forces that caused the Iranian Revolution, there are few that tell the story from such a personal perspective and even fewer that tell the story of Iranian exiles. For this reason alone, the Riddle of the Sphinx is worthy of a read.

But the novel can be read on a third level, perhaps the most fascinating and that is a philosophical and spiritual angle, which as the epigraphs at the front of each part signal, follow the noble truths of Buddhism. The Buddha answered the question “Who am I” by starting with a negative, “who am I not” and so the protagonist in the Riddle of the Sphinx, when confronted with this primordial question of identity, begins to strip away the false selves which are mental projections that he had confused for reality, as had Oedipus in Sophocles’ play “Oedipus Rex” from which the novel derives its title.

As for the genre, I would say it’s literary fiction and while I would never presume to compare myself with someone like Albert Camus, his novel “La Peste” (“The Plage”) is similar in that it can be read and enjoyed on three levels—the plot, the social/political history of fascism/Nazism and the third level that explores evil from a philosophical and existential perspective.

What inspired you to write the book?

About six years ago, I started to learn about Buddhism and its teachings on meditation, mindfulness, wisdom and compassion. As I deepened my studies as well as my sitting practice, it began to occur to me that there was a whole dimension of my life that I had been completely unaware of until that point. Carl Jung said “Who looks out dreams; who looks in inside awakes”. I started to look inside and wake up—which for me has been a very gradual process. But then I realized that these teachings– that insight and wisdom come from looking in rather than grasping and groping outside—are not just part of Eastern philosophy. They have been written about in Western literature, beginning with the Greeks and all the way up to modern times with writers such as Marcel Proust, who I studied a great deal as a Comparative Literature major at Princeton. How could I have missed this for half my life? So I went back to these works that I loved and I read them as if with new eyes and this inspired me to write this novel.

What experiences, in your background, did you pull up to write this new work of fiction?

I drew on the places that I had been to and knew well – Teheran before the revolution for example; my family was quite close with the Royal Court and growing up there, not only did I draw on my own experiences but also my parents would tell me stories that have stayed with me. And then of course the revolution and its aftermath and although I wasn’t in Iran during and after the revolution I knew a number of people who were and I spoke with them at length about their experiences. The second part of the book takes place in the 1980s in Princeton, which I went to and know well but also at well known spots such as the Wimbledon tennis finals or the Bain Douche night club in Paris, all of which I’ve been to. The prologue and the last part of the book take place in New York, at a major law firm, as well as venues on the Upper East side, the Hamptons and a well known private school. Again I have personal experience with all of these places, which helped me write the story.

What was your early life like and how does it compare to your life now?

My early life was in Iran before the revolution and then at boarding school in England. On the surface of course it’s a very different life. Life under an absolute monarchy isn’t the same as in a democracy. But you know something, the U.S. today is starting to resemble that world that was swept away by a revolution. Rule by a small elite who control the levers of power, whether it’s the executive branch, the legislative branch or the media. There are parallels and definitely some lessons to be heeded. I’m not saying that the U.S. today is facing a revolution but if we continue down the same road without making key changes to improve the lot of the vast majority of people, there could be trouble ahead. And it can come very quickly. If you read my book, you see how swiftly the revolution took off and how it took the ruling elites in Iran by surprise.

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Categories : Books, Exclusive Interviews

Top Tips that will help you improve your Self-Image

Posted by Matt Welsh

· January 9, 2019

· 1 Comment

Nobody likes to have a low self-image. It can make you feel bad about yourself and it can also force you to see flaws that aren’t really there. Improving your self-image is easy when you know which steps to take, and some of them are listed right here.

Be Kind

The little voice in the back of your head is way more powerful than you might think. You need to make a serious effort to try and be kind to yourself, and you also need to talk to yourself the same way that you would speak to your friends. Sure, this can be difficult at first, but the sooner you get into the routine of doing this, the better.

Don’t Compare Yourself

Comparing yourself to other people is the best way for you to lower your self-esteem. It’s so important that you focus on your own goals and the achievements that you want to make in life. Sure, other people may have different goals and that’s great because it’s your individuality that makes you great. You also don’t need to be putting way more pressure on yourself either because if you do then you may end up setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.

Move Around

Exercise can really help you to boost your level of motivation. So for this reason, you need to practice setting your goals. This will help you to gain confidence and it can also help you to feel way better about your self-image. Sure, you won’t see results in the first day from a physical point of view, but the mental boost is instant. Breaking a sweat can also encourage the release of endorphins, which are hormones that help you to feel good about yourself. It doesn’t take much to break a sweat either, and you should never feel pressured to go to the gym. You can do an exercise DVD or you can even go out on a jog with the dog. Little changes can sometimes have a huge impact on your life, and they can also help you to break down that mental block you have.

Nobody is Perfect

You should always strive to be the best version of yourself. Being perfect however, is a completely unrealistic goal. You will never be perfect, but neither will anyone else in the world. You may look at celebrities for inspiration and that’s great, but even they have their flaws and they still experience the same issues that you do. Understanding this is crucial if you ever want to boost your self-confidence, and it can also help you to see the world from a completely new perspective. You also have to remember that you have to make mistakes if you ever want to learn and grow, so don’t beat yourself up when something goes wrong. Everyone’s been there, and if you don’t make mistakes then you can never hope to develop as a strong individual.

Change what you Can

It is so easy to dwell on things that are out of your control. You have to remember that this won’t change much at all. Instead, you need to focus all of your energy on the things that you can change. This could include your clothes, your accessories and even your makeup as well. If you want to boost your wellbeing then it may even be a good idea for you to look into spiritual necklaces. Sometimes little changes like this can help you to get the motivation you need to take that next step and it can also help you to push through hard times.

Make Yourself Happy

The more time you spend doing the things that you love, the more likely you are to think positively. Try and schedule in some “you” time every single day. It doesn’t matter whether you spend that time cooking, reading or even just lounging out on the couch because if it makes you happy then it is certainly worth doing. Believe it or not, this can work wonders for your self-confidence, and you would be surprised at how much it can help you to develop as a person.

Celebrate the Small Things

You got up this morning. That’s an accomplishment, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Celebrating the small victories in life can help you to feel better as soon as you get out of bed. Other victories include making your bed, having a healthy breakfast or even taking the time to pamper yourself in the morning. Sure, they don’t seem like huge deals, but combined, they can really have an impact on your self-esteem.

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Categories : New Media